the words

come out not when they're needed,

so desperately needed,

urgently needed,

matter-of-fact[ly] needed,

only when they're heartfelt,

and wanted,

dreamed,

impassioned.

not lulled,

drug,

soon to be buried,

even sooner to be forgot. 

but- those words are the only

worth anything.

the only determinants 

of a perchance happier future,

career, state of mind...

write, i must.

though i shudder.